Einstein:
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
For years I’ve pretty much been doing the same thing over and over again with my parents and expecting different results. !BLAM!ming them was doing something different.
By not ever dealing honestly, openly, and calmly with the past and being straight up with them I swept everything under the carpet. The result was I continued to get walked on and (more…)
Con’t from the last post.
As I was saying…
I have a loooooooong history with lying. Goes back to when I was a kid. Lying was typically preferred to slaps in the face. The belt across my legs. Things like that. I tried being truthful. But somehow it just didn’t seem to work as well. So if I sensed, and I learned to have the razor sharp, keen sense of a lion on (more…)
TODAY…
was more of the same. Locked to my computer, making it happen. Left around 4:45, got my kids, went to the new Silly Bandz store and got them the Christmas set, went to Barnes and Nobel we all drooled over books, the kids submitted an addendum to their Christmas lists, then to Walmart with just Grace. Had a blast, we Christmas shopped a little. Took her home. Talked with my daughter Blessing for an hour plus. Talked with Ben for about an hour. Home at midnight to, you guessed it… get on the computer. 
I could end here, but that would be disappointing. But I HAVE to tell you something more meaningful. It starts with this blog…
Becoming Jennie captured my attention straight out of the shoot: The brutal honesty riveted me to her page. I’ve been reading her for, what? A couple weeks now. It’s her honesty that amazes me. It’s practically brutal. She’s on the show Sex Rehab. I’ve not watched it. Time is an issue. Then, well, I’d have to find the channel it’s on. Those sort of things I put off. But I did Google it last night. I watched clips from the show and was blow away by these people. Honest to the bone. Some just zipped the info out without a hitch. Some were having a tough time. But all wanted to be free. And I think I’m remembering this right, all/most want to have a sincere relationship with one person. But their addiction blocks them. They destroy that for themselves. Now I want to watch the show. That means finding the channel…
After viewing them I sat back gob-stopped. Marveling. And inspired. Why? I’ve been practicing honesty for something like four years now with John1. We’re both into awakening/healing/consciousness. It’s our thing. So we work together. Read books and discuss them. Watch movies, discuss them. Dig into our issues. Talk about them…
He’s like 20 miles ahead of me so he ultimately helps me more in some ways. But we both benefit. Well one day he came up with this new “thing” for us to strive for: absolute honesty with each other. I’m talking the unveiled, all the time, sort of honesty. Honesty that can hurt. I saw the value and agreed…bush baby has this been tough to get to. Harder for me than him. Nothing like having a friend hold my feet to the fire! There’s been tremendous growth. But first I had to come to see how much I lied. OUCH. See, I have a loooonnnnnggggg history with lying…
That’s where I’ll pick up tomorrow. 
I’ve always loved television mini-series…
Night, Love ya,
Theresa Jane
-who just looked at her clock and is startled, it’s 4:17 a.m. eeeeekkkkkkk…
The following is going to be my first in a segment of entries. A continuation series. Too long for one post.
Done a lot of thinking about this. Drummed my fingers on my desk more than once contemplating it. Began and scrapped a bunch of prior attempts. What am I talking about? The part of my life I only hint at. You know, you’ve seen the bits trickle into my blog. Where I mention appointments with my life coach, inner healing work, waking up, becoming conscious, and all those books psychology/spiritual books that are crammed among the chick lit and horror on my Shelfari shelf…–lots of words there I know. After all this time I myself don’t know exactly how to label this whole thing.
I’ve gone back and forth on this note. Should I share? Yes, I should. Then. No. No I shouldn’t. Well today I decided. Yes. I’ll share. Why? Well, this journal is about me. About my journey into the new me–well, really the me that’s always been there, it’s just that she/me/I was on the other side of the looking glass–My trip down the rabbit hole. My going to ask Alice. The trek to find me in the newest of terms. Yes to become… a business woman. But there is so much more then I put in my “about me.” That was the tip, hinting at more.
And today begins the “more”. Especially since I went and did it again, had another stop business day, as I had mentioned I might do yesterday, therefore it must bleed over into my blog making it business free. The direction was spurred on by the fact that I began my day with an intense session with my life coach. Making it the logical place to begin this post as well as begin to take you deeper into my rabbit hole.
It isn’t by mistake that my side bar, on my Blogger Blog and under About me on my WordPress blog reads as it does. And, as a side note, why I didn’t come up with a name for my blog that played off from Alice in Wonderland I’ll never know. Since I have a looooonnnggg history with good old Alice and white rabbits…
In my life I’ve taken many trips. I’ve seen a lot of our country on them and then I’ve seen a lot of, well, not our country on others. During those my eyes were bloodshot, squinting through smoke, and you might hear me say, as I exhaled, through small gasps, “Damn. This is some good shit.”
Once upon a time I took these trips because, being a kid, I was trapped. Couldn’t get out of the horrid home that I lived in, so I found other ways to trip on out. Into other unseen lands where I followed many a psychedelic white rabbit…
Back then Rock and Roll was it for me. Loved the stuff. Loved the whole 
movement it represented. Had I piled my records from the floor up they would have reached the top of my head and Jefferson Airplane was up there at the top. Burned holes through their vinyl. In my mind Grace Slick was one of the greatest female singers of her time. And her song “White Rabbit” was my favorite. I never knew why. I just connected with it. When that song came on I could be in a room full of people surging with booze and drugs and I would stop dead, as if to pay homage. To listen and sing along till it was done.
I never could explain it before. Defiantly not back in the day. Then it was, “I love that fucking song.” Now, as I rethink it, I think in some strange way I was forward seeing into my future. Preparing myself. Preparing to be ready to tumble down the deepest rabbit hole of my life. To be ready and willing to go…
More tomorrow, Love ya,
Theresa Jane
-don’t worry we’re going somewhere. It’s just that in order to get there we have to sit and drink some tea with the Mad Hatter and listen to his ramblings…
fromhousewifetofilmmaker
